I take a deep breath and look up at the lovely morning sky. It’s one of those mornings where Molly is sleeping in bed and Charlie has gone for a run, so I have the house to myself. I love these moments of quiet reflection with my steaming cup of coffee and the birds chirping in the trees above.
I let out a deep sigh, because it’s a different type of day actually.
A very different type of day.
It’s a day where I have had to realise that I clearly have been neglecting one of the most important things over the last two years of this pandemic madness – myself!
“You need to change your lifestyle or you’ll not have much of a future to look forward to,” the doctor’s words are still ringing in my ears.
Part of me thinks it was all a dream. It wasn’t. It was very real, almost too real. I can’t fully process my thoughts and emotions yet because I never thought I’d be on the receiving end of those words. Of course I indulge on and off and haven’t had much of gym time because of the pandemic, home stuff and the crazy workload at office. But who isn’t in the same boat right?
Surely this can’t have taken me to the edge of the cliff? Could it have?
Have I ignored all the signs? Have I not been practising what I preach?
As I think about it more, unfortunately the answer to all of the above is – yes.
I’ve neglected myself and let stress, worry, frustration, bad habits, bad routines take over my life. I’ve taken on other people’s problems and issues and surrounded myself with themand I've completely ignored my own needs. I don’t know when all this internal chaos snuck in, but it has and it has clearly done a lot of damage to my insides and my body has sounded the alarm and my doctor very gently told me it is time to look within. Bad genes combined with bad habits don’t have good outcomes he’d said to me and asked me to reassess my priorities and really evaluate my stress levels.
It was a lot to process like I said.
There is a part of me that wants to ignore all this or lock it away somewhere in my brain to take out another day and deal with. Then I think of Molly and how I want her to have a healthy mum and how I want to be there for her as long as I can. It also makes me realise that in all this I realise the value of family and how easily my priorities have become messed up.
Polly getting into shape, I write as a heading in my diary.
• Take stock of my eating over the past week.
Snacks and crisps – check, chocolate – check, cake – check, cream biscuits at tea time – check, meat at almost every meal – check, fizzy drinks – check…you get the drift how this goes diary!
• Action – phase 1 in my plan to reinvent my insides involves starting a food/ meal diary. I am going to make some conscious choices.
• What I am going to do
o Plan my main meals and be mindful of portion sizes
o Get some healthy snacks in my cupboards which are currently brimming with a load of crisps, cream-filled biscuits and chocolate
o When I am thirsty – reach for water first
o Plan in some treats and ‘nice’ meals but in moderation
o Work hard to resist sweet temptations courtesy Molly and well-meaning friends. Practise self-control. After all I’m not seven anymore and it is time to treat my body with the love and self-care it truly deserves. It holds a lot of things and a lot of people together.
Focus for phase 1 complete. Tune in to find out how it goes.
Does anyone want to join me?