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Once there was a woman who lived in hope, prayed every day that she would save herself from an awful lot of trauma that was her marriage. She waited and waited for long years and then found to her utmost disappointment that nobody gave a toss. It was time to take her trauma by the hand and handle it.

Separation, the word conjured up of one of the most terrible tales of a marriage gone wrong. I went around in circles trying to fix things which could not be and in the end, decided to separate. The adults in my family were shocked and dismayed to find that I was forthcoming with most gory details. I felt I was explaining myself and they would help me. The men In my in-laws family were kind enough to give me time for me to sit and hear my story. I was so confident that my problems will be solved and I would be back with the love of my life in no time.

I waited and waited for a long time and I realized that most of the men and women only wanted to hear my story. What else could be more entertainment than a reality show which was my marriage? The first three months I stayed in at home, going about my day to day errands, being a mom and an enemy of the state to anyone who associated with the husband. You don’t get a break from being a mom and thank god for that because definitely, many a woman would have lost her path if it wasn’t for children. I know I would have.

It was foolish to assume that my in-laws and some friends would take my side since I was the victim just because I was family for two decades. I was left with a handful of friends I had made in the family. Every time I heard anyone sling mud at me, I had the need to get up and explain myself. It took me 3 months to realize that I did not need to give details. I was entangled with astrologers, religion and a crazy amount of investigation. The amount of money spent on all this could have bought me a lovely little holiday in Bali.

When humans are desperate they will walk into places they shouldn’t and will be reckless of their safety and mad enough to believe that you are someone's daughter, sister, mother or friend. In time I discovered, some are worried that a separated woman would taint their daughters, sisters, mothers, or any other female relations.

Slowly, as time passes, I am learning baby steps of not caring what people say about me and letting go. It’s a prolonged process, too slow.

“I am the product of all the ancestors getting together and deciding these stories need to be told"

– Rupi Kaur

To Be Me
Author: To Be Me
"To Be Me" is a series of biographical articles by an intelligent woman in a predicament she's trying to get out of. Writing is therapeutic for her and we hope it will encourage others like her to speak up.
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